When it rains, it pours. Cindy’s so-called life (note the use of third person – we’ll call it a coping skill) has definitely been hopping these days. It feels like a wild ride on a souped-up pogo stick with the warning label of “hold on tight”. When I’m able to take a few steps back and gaze upon it all – it’s really rather spectacular but in the moment, it’s a bit overwhelming.
Yesterday I had a couple of tears playing peek-a-boo with me all day and they didn’t show themselves until I had told my beloved that he was on his own for supper and I headed for bed. Once I was in the safety of warm covers and cozy jammies, I nuzzled up to my sweet Giggles girl and the tears flowed gently like a trickling brook. That’s a good thing because I don’t think I could’ve handled the roar of a big huge messy cry. When all was said and done, I gushed with gratefulness to God for my supportive husband and I thanked Giggles for her tender heart and her impressive listening skills. I’m here to tell you that the best part of the day was the realization that I am not alone.
I am not alone. That feels huge. Progress has been made. At some point in our lives, I’m guessing we’ve all experienced the despair of feeling utterly alone. I can hear a collective sigh. Despite the knowledge of knowing deep in our hearts that we are not alone, somehow life has given us a propensity to believe that we just might be all alone. I’ve been there and done that – too many times to count. For as long as I can remember I have had my faith in God. I have been able to count on my family since the day I was born, and I’ve always been blessed beyond measure with the closest of girly friends. But I think that this was the first time when “life was pouring buckets” that I didn’t feel alone. That is cause for celebration!
Over the last fortnight, the ups and downs have opened the flood gates. Brad and I were given the great news that we have a solid hope (80% chance) of getting pregnant come July or August with the help of UCSF’s fine fertility doctors, some donor eggs and lots of prayers and blessings. A day after that news, my dear granddaddy left this world for heaven after living an incredible 97 years of life. As most of you know I injured my back at work, have been in lots of pain and have been on modified duty – a greeter in the radiology department. Yesterday, I found out that I might not be able to return to work as a dialysis nurse due to the nature of the job. I woke up this morning to a text with a picture of our handsome little grand nephew – Brad joyfully said that I’ve been a “great” auntie for years, but today it became official. And if all that wasn’t enough, this morning I had the must-be a 40 something joy of meeting with a cardiologist. I had been noticing some irregular heartbeats over the last month. Gratefully, the cardiologist believes the irregularity is most likely normal and quite possibly due to stress. Do you think “maybe”? Can I please get a couple of amens and oh-mys? Needless to say, I’m becoming a pro with my pogo-stick. Sign me up for pogopalooza.
I’d love to share some of the gems that I’ve taken note of on this go-round with the pogo-stick:
We are not alone, even if it feels like it. There’s hope that one day we will learn to live in the truth that we are not alone. Taking joy in the simple pleasures of life brightens the day. Be an advocate for yourself ~ don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Being grateful helps us get through the rough spots. Family is always important, despite its inherent shortcomings. Whatever you do, doing it with your whole heart makes life matter (even if you are a greeter). Deep breaths and stress release keeps your heart healthy. Time at the coast and a fair share of tears shed (both happy and sad over a fortnight) – is good for your soul and prepares you for change. Sleep does wonders for your state of mind. A sense of community is a precious gift (even if it’s not in your backyard). A glass of wine or a “small bite” shared with friends is sacred ground. Dogs (and probably cats) make really good listeners – they aren’t plagued by “want to fix it” syndrome.
Who do you reach out to when you are feeling alone? How do you relieve stress? Have you taken the time lately to take note of the simple pleasures in life? What do you need when you are feeling alone?
I’m grateful for you. I’m grateful for opportunities to share my heart and connect with you. I’m excited for what’s on the horizon. I’m believing that these pogo-stick like days are preparing me for my next season at home and as the Queen of Less Drama. I have been busy placing the final touches on my book and it’s almost time to send it off to the publisher. Note to self – finishing touches take longer than I planned. Thank you for not laughing at my use of fortnight in this contemplation – I’m a big Jane Austen fan and I’ve always wanted to turn that phrase in writing and here you are my witness.
WE ARE NOT ALONE! Big hugs, Cindy